I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
