Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
