I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
