My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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