Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
