dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
