Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
