god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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