That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
