Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize