I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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