He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
