i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
