After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
