I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
