i can't believe i had my finger in that
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
