Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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