It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
