South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
