i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
