I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
