dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize