He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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