if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
