Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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