Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
