Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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