Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Pants are for mortals
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
