Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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