i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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