Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
