Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
