Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
