Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
