Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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