dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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