The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
