i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
