Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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