My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
