she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
