You smell like stripper and shame
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
