she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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