i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't deserve a penis
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
