she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
