im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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