I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
