So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize