Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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