Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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