It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
