Pants 0. Shit 1.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize