Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
