biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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