i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
