watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
