Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
