Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
