You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
