i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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