i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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