My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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