I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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