Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
