I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
