i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
