Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
