he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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